Romance scams: when love on WhatsApp ends with a request for money

Romance scams: when love on WhatsApp ends with a request for money

They're kind, attentive and always there for a good-morning message. They work somewhere far away (an oil rig, a ship, an overseas army posting, a construction project) and can't wait to meet you. Weeks or months go by. Then something goes wrong: a medical bill, a customs fee, a frozen account, a flight home that has to be paid today. Or they've found an amazing investment you can share. Romance scams are among the most costly scams for New Zealanders, and they work because the feelings are real on one side.

How does a romance scam work?

1. First contact. An attractive profile on a dating app or social media, or a message sent "by mistake" to your number that becomes a conversation. They often claim jobs that explain why they're overseas and hard to reach.
2. The move off the app. Very soon they ask you to leave the dating app ("I hardly use this", "WhatsApp is easier"). That matters: on WhatsApp or Telegram, the dating platform can no longer detect or warn you about the account.
3. Building the bond. Daily messages, good-morning and good-night texts, shared secrets, plans for the future. Some even call with a warm voice, but the video call always fails: broken camera, bad connection, a base that doesn't allow it.
4. The request. It comes when trust is high. The three most common excuses: an emergency (hospital, accident, arrest, stuck at an airport); a cost before you can meet (flights, visa, customs on a "gift" or a parcel of valuables); or an investment, usually crypto, on a platform they "know".
5. The escalation. If you pay once, another problem appears, and another. When you finally cut them off, a last blow sometimes arrives: someone posing as a lawyer, a police officer or a "recovery agent" offering to get your money back for a fee.

What signs give a romance scammer away?

• Everything moves very fast. Declarations of love within days or weeks.
• There's never a video call or a meeting, always with a new excuse.
• They want you off the dating app or social network as soon as possible.
• Their story has gaps or changing details, and their photos look like a model's or a catalogue's.
• They ask for secrecy: "don't tell your family, they wouldn't understand".
• Money comes up, even something small or "a loan I'll pay back when I get paid".
• The payment method is unusual: cryptocurrency, gift cards, transfers to third parties, or receiving money into your account to send on somewhere else. That last one can make you a "money mule" for stolen funds.

What do I do if I suspect it's a scam?

1. Don't send money or personal details. Not small amounts, not photos of your passport or licence, not codes you get by text.
2. Check their photos. Do a reverse image search (for example, with Google Lens). They often turn up under another name or on someone else's profile.
3. Ask for a live video call, now. A real person who says they love you can turn the camera on for a minute. If there are more excuses, you have your answer.
4. Tell someone you trust. The scammer relies on isolation; someone on the outside sees in minutes what can take months to see from the inside.
5. Save evidence before blocking. Screenshots of the conversation, numbers, profiles, names of investment platforms and any payment details.
6. Cut contact and block them on WhatsApp and on the app where you met, and report the profile on that app.

What if I've already sent money?

1. Call your bank on the official number on your card or in its app, not one they gave you. Explain that you've been scammed and ask them to try to stop or recall recent payments, and to watch your account.
2. Don't pay anything more, including "taxes" or "fees" to release supposed investment profits or a parcel.
3. Be wary of anyone promising to recover your money in exchange for an upfront payment: that's the second scam, aimed at people who've already lost money.
4. Change your passwords and check your accounts if you shared personal details or logins, or installed an app they recommended.
5. If money was paid into your account to send on, stop, don't move any more, and tell your bank and Police.
6. Report it with all the evidence you've gathered.

Where do I report it?

• NZ Police: report it on 105 or through the 105 online service on the NZ Police website, with screenshots, numbers, profiles and payment receipts.
• The National Cyber Security Centre: report the scam to the NCSC.
• Consumer Protection: its Scamwatch pages explain romance scams and where to get help.
• 111: if someone is in immediate danger, for example if you're being threatened or pressured to meet somewhere unsafe.
• The app or social network where it started, and WhatsApp, using the option to report the chat.
• The spam numbers directory, so others can recognise that number.

If the scammer threatens to share intimate images, that's sextortion: don't pay, keep the evidence and report it. Netsafe, New Zealand's independent online safety organisation, can also help.

Frequently asked questions

They called me and the voice sounded real. Can it still be a scam? Yes. Many scammers do call, and some use voice-changing or AI tools. A phone call isn't proof of identity; a live video call where you can see them is a much better test, and even that can be faked, so never send money to someone you haven't met.

They didn't ask me for money, just to invest on a platform. Is that the same? Yes, it's one of the most common forms of romance scam. The platform is fake and the profits on screen don't exist.

I'm embarrassed to report it. That's very common, and it's exactly what the scammers rely on. These are organised criminals who do this every day. Reporting it helps Police and may help get money back or stop the next victim.

I think a family member is being targeted and they won't listen to me. Don't attack the relationship head on; ask gentle questions, suggest a video call, and share information about romance scams. Talking to their bank or getting another trusted person involved can help.

In short

When a romance you've only had online leads to a request for money, it's almost always a scam. Ask for a live video call, check their photos, talk to someone you trust and never send money, codes or ID. If you've already paid, call your bank and report it to Police and the NCSC, and ignore anyone who offers to recover your money for a fee. And report the number in the NoCall spam numbers directory.