Sextortion: blackmail by phone or WhatsApp and what to do

Sextortion: blackmail by phone or WhatsApp and what to do

The message arrives on WhatsApp, by text or in a call: someone claims to have intimate photos or videos of you and threatens to send them to your family, your workplace or your contacts unless you pay. The panic is instant, and that's exactly what they're counting on. This is called sextortion, it's a crime, and there's a clear way to deal with it. The first thing to know: paying almost never makes it stop, and not paying almost never ends with the material being shared.

How does sextortion work?

There are two versions, and it's worth telling them apart because the fear they create is different:

• Mass, random sextortion. The same message goes to thousands of numbers at once, often with an old password of yours (taken from a data breach) to sound believable: "I know your password, I've got access to your camera, I recorded what you were doing." In the vast majority of cases they have nothing: it's an automated bluff that works because, out of thousands of messages, someone gets scared and pays.
• Targeted sextortion. It starts with real contact: someone messages you on social media or a dating app, earns your trust, you exchange intimate content (or they record you on a video call without you knowing), and then the blackmail starts. Here there may genuinely be real material, and the blackmail often includes screenshots of your friends or contacts list to pile on the pressure.

In both cases the script is the same: urgency ("you've got 24 hours"), secrecy ("don't tell anyone or it'll be worse") and a payment that's hard to trace (bank transfer, cryptocurrency, gift cards). Each of those three is a red flag.

Why shouldn't I pay?

For three reasons that are proven again and again:

1. Paying doesn't buy silence, it buys a second demand. Once you've paid, the blackmailer knows two things: fear works on you, and you have money. The next demand usually arrives within days.
2. The material, if it exists, has already been copied. Nothing you pay guarantees it will be deleted. There's no possible "deal" with an anonymous criminal.
3. Giving in makes you a permanent target. Your details (number, profile, the fact that you pay) are sold and reused in other campaigns.

And contrary to what fear tells you: in mass cases there's nothing to share, and in targeted cases the material is shared far less often than threatened, because sharing it earns them no money and exposes them instead. The blackmailer's business is your fear, not your shame.

What do I do, step by step?

1. Don't pay anything. Not a dollar, not even "to buy time". Stop negotiating: don't discuss the amount or ask for more proof.
2. Don't delete anything yet. Take screenshots of the messages, numbers, profiles, threats and any payment details they've given you. They're evidence. Back everything up.
3. Cut contact without warning. Block the number and the profile. Don't announce that you're going to report them: you report, you don't negotiate.
4. Lock down your accounts. Change your passwords (start with your email), turn on two-step verification everywhere and review your social media privacy: friends list hidden, profile private, strangers removed from your contacts.
5. Tell the people close to you, however hard it is. A short message to family or a partner ("someone is trying to blackmail me with fake material, ignore anything you get") takes away their most powerful weapon: surprise.
6. Report it. Contact NZ Police on 105 or through the 105 online service, with all your screenshots, and call 111 if you feel you're in immediate danger. Sextortion is blackmail, and Police deal with these cases. If you're under 18 or a young person is involved, say so straight away. You can also report it to the National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC). For support, Netsafe, New Zealand's independent online safety organisation, helps people dealing with sextortion.
7. Report the number in the spam numbers directory so others recognise the campaign.

If the blackmail followed a supposed relationship or online romance where the person also asked you for money with another excuse, it may overlap with romance or fake-relative scams. The checking method is the same: cut contact, verify through an independent channel and report it.

What if I've already paid?

Don't blame yourself: you acted under threat. But change your strategy now:

• Don't pay any more, even if they promise it's "the last time". It isn't.
• Keep the payment receipts: they leave a trail that helps the investigation.
• Report it anyway, and explain that you've already paid. Having paid doesn't make you any less of a victim or weaken your report.
• If you paid by card or bank transfer, tell your bank straight away: in some cases money can be traced or recovered, and the sooner you call, the better.

Frequently asked questions

They say they have a video of me, but I've never been on a video call with a stranger. Could it be true? Almost certainly not. It's the mass bluff: they send the same message to thousands of numbers, hoping someone has something to fear. If there's no possible source for that material, it doesn't exist.

What if the material is real? The plan doesn't change: don't pay, keep the evidence, block, warn the people close to you and report it. Shame is their tool; every person you've warned is one tool fewer.

Should I delete my social media? You don't need to delete it, but you should lock it down: private profile, hidden friends list and a check of followers you don't know. Deleting the profile where they contacted you can destroy evidence: screenshots first, then block.

I'm under 18 (or my child is). Does anything change? Yes: tell a trusted adult straight away and report it as soon as possible. When someone under 18 is involved, other serious offences come into play on top of the blackmail, so don't wait to report it. Netsafe also helps young people and their families with these cases.

In short

With sextortion, the order is: don't pay, keep the evidence, block, lock down your accounts, warn the people close to you and report it. The blackmailer sells fear wholesale and collects from whoever is left alone with it; every step on this list takes away one of their levers. If you've received one of these messages, report it in the NoCall spam numbers directory: your warning could be what stops the next person from paying.